Liberal-to-English Dictionary

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Affirmative Action: Fighting imaginary discrimination with actual discrimination, rather than simply enforcing the law; giving minorities other people’s jobs and scholarships despite them having fewer qualifications and lower grades.

Alt-Right: A made-up label encapsulating every off-topic personal attack liberals use to silence the debate (racist, sexist, xenophobe, homophobe, Islamophobe, etc.) in one convenient smear package.

Assault Weapon: Any firearm that liberals need to portray as scary.

Bipartisan: Republicans giving Democrats everything they want.

Big: Anything liberals need to portray as bad (i.e., ‘Big Oil,’ ‘Big Pharma,’ etc.).

Change We Can Believe In: Record joblessness, exploding health care costs, Middle East in flames, lawless abuses of power, national bankruptcy, maximum nanny state dependence, total abandonment of the Constitution, etc.

Civility: Rioting, protesting, burning things down, demanding recounts, calling for revolution, and calling everyone you don’t like a Nazi, a Klansman, or Hitler himself whenever you lose an election; Conservatives not fighting back against endless Democrat smear campaigns.

Code Words: Any term that debunks liberal arguments (often found in the Bill of Rights, such as ‘free religious exercise’ or ‘states’ rights’), which must therefore be met with fraudulent diversionary smears about intolerance until the term is stigmatized as hate speech.

Compassion: Being generous with other people’s money, usually at maximum expense to the federal budget, the economy and the Constitution.

Comprehensive Immigration Reform: Amnesty for illegal immigrants; importing millions of new Democrat voters at everyone else’s expense.

Compromise: Republicans giving Democrats everything they want.

Consensus of Experts: When there is significant disagreement among experts; when liberals censor and retaliate against dissenting views to manufacture the appearance of unity, to silence debates they cannot win on fair terms.

Constitutional Right: Anything that cannot be found mentioned or even implied in any part of the Constitution (abortion, homosexual marriage, judicial review, birthright citizenship, etc.).

Crony Capitalism: Blaming the Federal Government’s Constitution-shredding interference in every aspect of our lives at the whim of its corporate donors on “not enough government.”

Dangerous: Allowing conservatives to express opinions in public.

Denier: Noticing giant, gaping holes in anti-science climate scaremongering (contradictory data, wildly incorrect predictions, data manipulation scandals, etc.).

Dirty trick: Pointing out a Democrat’s voting record or quoting them on anything they’ve said.

Diversity: Celebrating and embracing anything that isn’t white, male, Christian, or American.

Education: Indoctrinating public school victims into becoming racially-sensitive little environmentalists who cannot do basic math, have no comprehension of history, and think the U.S. is a violent, bigoted place that needs to be fundamentally transformed into a socialist “Utopia.”

Equality: Racist or sexist preferential treatment for minorities at everyone else’s expense; discrimination.

Extremist: Anyone who agrees with the vast majority of Americans on free markets, limited government or following the Constitution.

Fact-Checking: Treating left-wing opinions as hard fact and accusing anyone who disagrees of lying.

Fairness: Punishing success to reward failure.

Fair Share: Those who already fund almost the entire Federal Government by themselves (the top 20%) being forced to lose even more of their own money to prop up the half of the country that pays no income taxes at all.

Family Values: The judgmental tyranny of having standards or any expectations whatsoever on human behavior.

Free Choice: The elimination of choice, as with the Employee Free Choice Act, which would strip workers of basic voting rights.

Free Speech: Anything that in no way pertains to the 1st Amendment right to dissent against the Federal Government (pornography, flag-burning, pedophiles publishing ‘rape and escape’ manuals, etc.).

Fuel Efficiency Standards: Massive tax hikes imposed deceptively on the American people by forcing the auto industry to impose them (through price increases).

Global Citizen (a.k.a., Citizen of the World): One who answers to European socialists, rather than following the Constitution.

Grassroots: Any fake, orchestrated, bought-and-paid-for Astroturf movement (Occupy Wall Street, Black Lives Matter, etc.).

Greed: Wanting to keep the money you have earned; not wanting to confiscate other people’s money at gunpoint and hand it to Democrat voters.

Gun Control: Obliterating gun rights by pretending to “regulate” them; disarming only law-abiding citizens for their assailants, who never follow gun laws.

Hands Up, Don’t Shoot: The blind insistence that black people are victims, regardless of the facts.

Hate Crime: Committing any crime against any group that gives money and votes to Democrats.

Hate Speech: Being allowed to question or disagree with any Democrat opinion in public.

Homophobe: Anyone who prefers actual rights like free speech and free religious exercise to fraudulent rights illegally invented out of thin air, like the right to force others to participate in homosexual weddings and to endorse homosexual lifestyles (or be bankrupted and thrown in jail).

Inheritance Tax: Confiscating huge portions of one’s life savings to fund Democrats in Washington; death tax.

Investment: Tax hike on citizens.

Jobs Americans Won’t Do: Jobs that Americans would do if illegal immigrants weren’t bottoming out the given industry’s wages.

Journalism: Propping up Democrat talking points while burying the facts and attacking anyone who objects.

Late-Term Abortion: Partial-birth abortion; delivering a nearly fully-developed baby and killing it; infanticide.

Law of the Land: Any law that liberals don’t want repealed; any illegal Supreme Court edict that liberals agree with; anything that blatantly violates the Constitution and that is therefore invalid.

Living Constitution: Undoing everything the Constitution stands for while pretending to be “updating” it, as if the power structure set forth in it weren’t timeless.

Marriage Equality: Constitution-shredding special treatment for homosexuals; criminalizing actual rights like free religious exercise to uphold imaginary ones such as the “right” to force others to endorse and participate in one’s lifestyle; applying marriage to those who contradict our society’s Judeo-Christian definition of marriage (the same definition that makes polygamy illegal).

Media bias: Including multiple sides of the story; failing to adequately promote Democrat talking points and leftist propaganda.

Minimum Wage: Job-killing class warfare at gunpoint.

Multiculturalism: Self-hate; glorifying every culture on the planet except our own while apologizing for our existence and condemning any acknowledgement of our own heritage and traditions.

Neo-Con: Siding with civilization over savagery; believing Israel has a right to exist; un-apologetically embracing freedom.

Net Neutrality: Inventing “unfairness” online to justify illegally taking over the Internet, destroying free market competition, and crippling the free exchange of ideas.

News Media: Un-elected Democrats.

No Justice, No Peace: Failing to play along with and encourage the delusions of the lunatic Black Panther fringe means more police officers will be murdered and more cities will be burned to the ground.

Obstructionism: Failing to rubber stamp Democrat ideas and proposals; an excuse for Democrats to act unilaterally and trample the Constitution.

One-Percenter: An elitist millionaire snob who doesn’t give to Democrats.

Oversight: Nanny state control-freaks meddling and micro-managing things they aren’t even supposed to be involve in under the Constitution.

Partisanship: Republicans failing to advance Democrat interests or talking points; in any way responding to vicious Democrat pettiness.

Patriotism: Tax hikes; loving America so much that one wants to change everything about it.

Police Brutality: Any police officer subduing any black criminal under any circumstances, ever.

Post-Racial: Imposing hyper-divisive, in-your-face racist discrimination against white people at every turn until racial tensions are unavoidably extreme.

Pro-Choice: Being against people having the right to choose on every single issue except for baby-killing.

Public-Private Partnership: Democrats illegally taking over a private business they have destroyed and pretending that it is voluntary.

Quagmire: Any U.S. military endeavor (especially one that faces any kind of obstacle whatsoever).

Racism: Winning a debate with a liberal; holding everyone to the same standard (actual equality); requiring voters to provide an ID like every developed country on the planet.

Rain forest: Jungle.

Religion of peace: Any religion that has committed 1400 years of non-stop rape, murder, mutilation, and warfare against all non-believers; any religion with followers who stone women to death for being raped, start murderous riots over cartoons, and dance in the streets on 9/11; any religion that teaches violence (Koran), that was born in violence at the hands of its violent founder, and that has remained entrenched in self-initiated bloodshed in every corner of the world since its bloody inception; any religion that isn’t Christianity.

Religious Right: A forgotten, vilified handful of evangelical activists whose nearly non-existent influence is somehow now “the real threat” to America.

Revenues: Taxes; money confiscated from citizens.

Right-Wing: Anything to the right of Karl Marx.

Root Cause: Scapegoat.

Separation of Church and State: The criminalization of being Christian in public; the removal of all things Christian (and only Christian) from all things public; the imaginary right of liberals to not have to witness or tolerate free religious exercise.

Sexism: Disagreeing with Hillary Clinton or feminists on anything, ever.

Single-Parent: Progress; the “liberation” of women.

Social Justice: Retaliation against those who dare to succeed by punishing them with draconian attacks on their rights, interests and incomes, to prop up welfare parasites who refuse to lift a finger for their own stations in life.

Special Interest: Anyone who gives money to Republicans for any reason.

Tax Cuts: Welfare checks for the 40% of Americans who don’t pay taxes; redistribution of wealth.

Tax Cuts for the Wealthy: Tax relief for those who pay almost all the taxes and create nearly all the jobs in this country; Tax relief for small businesses.

Teacher Salaries: Democrat campaign contributions; teachers’ union dues.

Tolerance: Viciously and psychotically trashing anyone who fails to march in lockstep with Democrat-approved talking points.

Transgender Equality: Playing along with and encouraging someone’s delusional mental disorder about their gender.

Two-State Solution: Israel committing national suicide for “peace.”

Unconstitutional: Anything that can be specifically spelled out in the Constitution as a fundamental right (free religious exercise, gun rights, state sovereignty, etc.).

Undocumented Immigrant: Illegal Immigrant; foreign criminal who illegally broke into our country and now expects everything from voting rights to taxpayer-funded Food Stamps.

United Nations: Organized resistance to U.S. rights, interests, and sovereignty.

Voter Disenfranchisement: Professional, election-stealing leftist frauds having to identify themselves in order to vote, as required by every other industrialized country on Earth.

War on Women: Objecting in any way to limitless taxpayer-funded abortion and contraceptives; disagreeing with any female Democrat ever, on anything; preferring actual equality to special treatment for feminists.

Wetlands: Swamp.

White privilege: The vast majority of poor people in the U.S. being white, as liberals falsely accuse them of having unfair advantages to prop up their false victimhood and demand more special treatment for minorities at everyone else’s expense.

Woman’s right to choose: A woman’s “right” to kill her baby.

Workplace Violence: Islamic terrorism.

Xenophobia: Enforcing the most lenient immigration laws on the planet; allowing petty nuisances like public safety and the rule of law to get in the way of the left importing millions of new Democrat voters.

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